


Tidal Wave

by chenziee



Series: One Angel [9]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: (yes I wrote this at work), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Don't Judge Me, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Levi is still best boyfriend, M/M, Self-Harm, author for employee of the year saga continues, mild but it's there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-16
Updated: 2019-01-16
Packaged: 2019-10-11 06:42:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17441867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chenziee/pseuds/chenziee
Summary: You can push anxiety back only for so long until it breaks out and rushes at you with full force. Then... then it's up to you if you let it pull you down, or if you grab onto something to keep your head above surface.





	Tidal Wave

Eren couldn’t take it. He had thought he was doing better. He had thought he was finally adjusting to the so called “productive adult” thing. He finally had a job, he finally didn’t have to rely on his parents and Levi for everything. It’s been over a month so he also finally wasn’t so lost at his work, not having to ask his co-workers questions over every silly little thing. He wasn’t terrified to just get up and go get his damn coffee from the little kitchenette either. He had found a nice grocery store nearby where he didn’t mind going for lunch, a place where his anxiety wasn’t sounding deafening alarms the entire time he was there.

He really had thought he was going to be fine now.

But oh, how sorely mistaken he was.

It was all piling up without his notice; the small pangs of anxiety that were easy to ignore didn’t just go away as he had believed. They just got shoved to some distant corner of his mind, into some dusty, small closet that sat in his chest, the anxieties stacked on top of each other to be locked away. Out of sight, out of mind.

They were still there, however, and the more little pieces Eren dropped in there, the more stuffed the little place got. Day by day, piece by piece, the closet filled up while Eren never looked inside – just closed his eyes, opened the door a crack to throw the next cutting shard in, and moved on.

He didn’t realize how full the closet had gotten. Not until it broke, ripped from the inside by the pressure with such a force that nothing but splinters were left, all the pent up anxiety flooding him without mercy.

A tidal wave of emotions that he couldn’t deal with. Not now, not ever.

It was too much, too strong, too out of nowhere, and there was no escaping it. The force and mass of it all too overwhelming for the young man to be able to shove back, to lock it inside a new closet to be ignored _just for a little bit longer._

Eren had no choice at this point. He had to face it, curl up into himself and take as much of a cover as he possibly could, and wait for it to pass.

Too fucking bad it happened only two hours after he came to work. Six hours until he could go home and melt down. Six entire hours until he could cry and scream it all out and then pretend it never happened.

But he had to keep sitting there, keep answering the phone, keep dealing with idiots, keep smiling at his co-workers. Keep pretending he wasn’t two seconds and one wrong word away from crying at any given time.

If only his manager wasn’t a scary fucking bitch. If he could just go to her and claim to suddenly feel sick, leave, and take a fucking break from people and life and all of the bullshit that came with it. But no. Just thinking about getting up and daring to suggest something like that was making him feel worse. It sounded so much worse, so much scarier than if he just continued sitting at his desk and staring blankly at the computer screen while desperately trying to stop the tears from breaking out.

He could only hope none of his co-workers paid any attention to him. He was sure if anyone bothered to really look at him, they would see his glassy eyes, his tightly clenched jaw, the angry red of the skin on his left forearm where he had been thoughtlessly digging his nails and leaving deep scratches in an effort to distract himself.

He was objectively a mess, inside and out.

The temperature in the room was warm, a bit too warm for anyone to be comfortable, yet Eren felt so cold. He was sweating but refused to shed his sweater, the extra layer of protection making him feel just a little bit safer. He was trembling, cold and hot, and just feeling so lost and so damn vulnerable.

He needed to get out, he needed to breathe.

He couldn’t get out and he couldn’t breathe.

He was trapped, trapped in this room, this building, this storm raging inside his head and chest.

Then his phone vibrated, making him jump. Barely swallowing the whimper threatening to tear out of his throat Eren reached out with his shaky hands to pick the device up, looking at the screen. Suddenly, it was even harder to hold the tears and whines back.

Levi.

Of course it was Levi; the man always somehow knew when Eren needed him.

A small, wobbly, almost unnoticeable smile pulled on Eren’s lips when he read the text. A simple ‘good morning’ was enough to make warmth spread all over Eren’s body like a blanket. He felt so much safer, so much calmer.

Like he wasn’t facing this cold, merciless hurricane alone.

Only… it made him feel safe enough to feel like he could afford to actually break down. Because Levi was his rock, his safe place, his home, and he would always protect him. But he wasn’t really there. He couldn’t hug him and hide him away, and whisper soothing, nonsensical bullshit into his hair.

Eren couldn’t even hear his voice right now; he could only read his texts and swallow heavily to keep the emotions as much in check as possible for him then.

His fingers were still unsteady when he carefully typed out his simple response, hoping to sound casual and happy as to not worry his boyfriend. Not like that was too hard over text.

Or so he thought.

Levi’s response came immediately, “Don’t :) me, are you okay??”

Eren frowned, biting down on his bottom lip, hoping the sting would keep him grounded enough to not spill himself to Levi. Not now. Not when he had no escape except for a few minutes in the fucking _bathroom_.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Eren said, hitting send just before he realized that didn’t sound very convincing. So he continued, sending another message right after. “Don’t worry about me, shouldn’t you be leaving for school soon?” He could almost picture the scowl on Levi’s face at his dismissal.

He really wanted to tell Levi the truth but how could he? There were more than twenty people in the room with him and he _really_ didn’t want to deal with the looks and intrusive questions after he started sobbing.

As expected, Levi wasn’t easily deterred and Eren’s phone vibrated again only a moment later. “Cut the bullshit. You didn’t eat breakfast.”

Eren cursed internally; of course Levi would notice that. “Ok, yeah, sorry. I’m not okay. I don’t want to talk about it. I’d rather not have a meltdown at work.” He typed quickly, already noticing his breathing quicken. He gulped heavily, forcing himself to breathe in deep and slow. He could feel the sob that caught in his throat.

Eren couldn’t tear his eyes away as the little ‘read’ appeared under his last message just before those three little dots popped up while Levi typed. It took only a few seconds but to Eren, it felt like hours until finally, the new text popped up and Eren welcomed the small, broken smile that found its way to his lips. Levi was seriously so… Eren didn’t deserve him.

“When’s your break? I’ll bring you coffee and food.”

Closing his eyes to gather himself before answering, Eren thought to himself just how good to him Levi was. The man never ceased to amaze him, taking care of him when he needed it and dealing with his mood swings without even batting an eye. Not questioning him and simply accepting him with all the baggage and stupid bullshit that came with him.

Eren loved him so fucking much.

“11:30,” he finally said, glancing at the time. Ninety minutes. He couldn’t fucking wait for them to pass.

“I’ll be there,” was Levi’s curt response before another message popped up. “Love you brat. Take care of yourself.”

“I love you too,” Eren texted back without a moment of hesitation, his expression softening.

Eren really wasn’t sure what he would do, where he would be, if it weren’t for Levi. That man was the only thing keeping him going and everyday, Eren was immensely grateful to have him by his side.

Turning his focus back at the computer screen before him, it suddenly hit him how much better he was feeling. His chest wasn’t so tight, letting him breathe at last; the trembling was gone, as was the itch to sink his nails deep into his skin. He was still anxious but it was like the tidal waves that had been coming at him calmed down into a slightly stronger current that swirled around his feet, throwing him off balance but allowing him to keep standing. He was holding his ground, if wobbly, instead of getting swept away without anything to hold on to, left to drown in the deep, freezing, stormy waters.

Just a few words from Levi did this. Just a few words and he was a semi-functioning human again, and Eren couldn't have loved him more for it.

**Author's Note:**

> I need me a Levi where can I buy one.


End file.
